Self-Deception

I recently went to see a play and the director chose to use a rather abstract stage, which is to say that there were few set pieces and few props. The characters would remark about being outside or would sit on a couch to let the audience know where they were. In between scenes, the stagehands would carry on/off various pieces of furniture quickly while music would play to set the mood of the upcoming scene. A deep disdain began to grow inside me for these moments. At first, it was just a simple confusion of what was happening, but as the night went on I grew anxious when I could tell one was coming. Every time I was abruptly pulled from the Victorian England countryside, full of its decadence and romance, and flung headlong into the twentieth century where I sat in a squeaky chair in a high school auditorium. The drama into which I had become not only a viewer, but a participant, faded away. My mind would instantly wander. I would think of things I had to do or of why the actor had made a certain artistic choice. I wanted to live inside the play. I wanted it to be more real. I wanted to stay there forever.


Of course the curtain call was the worst part. The cantankerous, decrepit father ran out beaming from ear to ear. The villain was given a grand applause and great respect from the rest of the cast. The star-crossed lovers were simply coworkers.


As humans, we have such a great capacity for self-deception. This is one of our greatest strengths. The ability to grow and learn through art stems from this very ability. We see ourselves in a work of art; it resonates with something inside us, and it changes us. But what happens when this ability rules our life?


All too often, we live our lives being willfully deceived by the "drama" around us. I am not only talking about immersing ourselves in art as a form of escapism, though that is certainly part of it. We get all wrapped up in little stories we have created for ourselves. We host a play of small mundane tasks and even the great things that we want to accomplish and do. Every once in a while, God interjects and we are reminded of His overarching reality, but we quickly rush back to our comfortable delusions.


The sad irony: we would rather stick to our simple productions than take part in what the creator of truth, love, and beauty has made for us. He is the author and director of the story that our souls long to be a part of. We must seek constantly to see God's world for what it is - His world - created with us in mind so that we might fill the voids in our hearts with His unfolding drama.

Detox

Detox diets never work, do they? Oh but it is still a wonderful ruse isn't it? All you have to do is rid your body of the toxins that it carries around and you will free up your system to move freely as God intended. You will lose weight, jump higher, and love more deeply than you have ever known. It even follows logically. I know I put things into my body that were never meant to be put there. God himself only knows what they put in Taco Bell food and whatever is in the middle of an Oreo is far from natural. I visualize them as car wrecks inside the interstates of my digestive system. The combination of lemon juice and cayenne pepper is the tow truck, the bath with epson salt and vinegar is the ambulance, and that weird pad that they sell on TV to stick on your foot is the DOT cleanup crew. But of course, it never really works, and even if it does, I drink a coke so quickly after finishing that it doesn't even matter.

I have a tendency to manage my life this way. I have a sin in my life, so I try to just purge it from my system, but somehow it always comes back. We cannot detox sin.

In 2nd and 3rd John, the author loves this phrase "walking in truth." He says that it gives him the greatest joy to hear that his children are "walking in truth." This cuts right to the heart of our detox mindset. We want a quick and instantaneous fix to problems in our lives, but that will not bring us to where we need to be. He does not write that he is glad that his children have simply found the truth or even that they have put it into practice once, but rather that they are walking. It is ongoing and is perpetually active.

Don't let that word "truth" scare you just because it has been stolen and abused. It is not that TV pastor's truth that was given to him and only him so that he might judge the heathens, nor is it that neighbor's truth that claims that the only truth is that everyone's truth is valid for them. There is a truth to be found. God has and continually reveals it to us. We can then approach the idea of truth without fear because we have faith that our loving God would not deny us the truth if we humbly and earnestly sought it.

When we find this truth, or rather as we are finding it, we must walk in it. By trying to detox our sin, we are actually trying to take God's job and give him ours. He is the only one who has beaten sin. He is the one who redeems, cleanses, and forgives, so sin needs to be given to him. Then we must do the work of walking in the truth our newly cleansed life. Why couldn't he do the walking for us? Why couldn't he eliminate the sin completely from our system? Because that would be stealing our freedom that he cherishes in us.

Let God flush the lies and false promises that sin offers to us, then walk with Him in the truth that He loves us and has given us life. True life is not built on the quick fixes and instantaneous gratifications of this world, but on constantly seeking truth and walking in it. Living in the truth that you find will not be easy, routine, or quick, but the reward is unparalleled joy.

Once Upon a Time Part 1

Truth be told, there are some things in the New Testament that conflict with the Old. This is quite a point of contention for Christians and non-Christians alike. While it breaks my heart to hear this to be a problem for non-Christians, it is quite funny to see those hard-core Bible thumpers to pretend that these differences do not exist. The "turn the other cheek" Jesus puts a quite a different spin on the whole "eye for an eye" thing. This causes more than a little mental consternation for me. God had a plan right? He knew all the moving parts that were coming into play, right? It ultimately leads to a series of "why" questions.

Why set rules in the garden that you knew we would break?

Why give us the Torah, knowing we wouldn't measure up?

Why send Jesus to absolve us of our sins after we had only let you down?

Some of our passions are clearly as a result of the fall of man, however there are also some things that we are passionate about because we are image bearers of God who is passionate about them too. Lust would be an example of the former and love an example of the latter. I would like to speculate that the love that we have for a good story is not from the fall. Seriously, how odd is it that we, universally as a species, like to take breaks from living our lives to listen, read, or watch someone else's account of life or their imagined tale of an alternate existence? How strange is it that we don't just live out our lives, but we have to try to experience things outside of our own existence as well? You just don't see platypuses donning stilts and spots pretending to be giraffes while simultaneously commenting on the discrimination found in their own species  or octopi acting out a complicated coming-of-age tale about a 24 tentacled love triangle.

When I look back on the Bible and the course of human history, I don't see a God who changed his mind. I don't see a God who came out with "The Law Volume II: The Jesus Revision." Rather I see the unfolding of the mysterious plan of God to save the world. I see a story because I think God understands more than we do the power of a story. For example which is more profound and could have more effect on your life? If I were to tell you that this couple really loved each other or if I told you that they were each other's first kiss, they raised three children, and died almost simultaneously in each other's arms at the age of 95. God is trying teach us something a list of facts just couldn't do. 

God, the author, wastes no time in exposition, no, it opens like the opening theme from Star Wars with a robust blast from the entire orchestra. The universe bursts into motion all spinning, exploding, and breathing until everything falls into its gravitational balance. Then God, the protagonist, creates his favorite creation, man.  Like all stories, life is good for a little while, until, enter the antagonist. Evil wins. God is forced by his own holiness to give up his people. Could Jesus not just come now to kick some butt and then everybody could just go back into eden? Certainly not. Time progresses and God steps in from time to time to tell man that he loves them and also to give them the rules that they will fail at, but that will one day be the means for their salvation. 

Eventually Jesus does come. This is the first climax. In the most sacrificial heroic act, he saves mankind that he loves so much. However, that is not the end of the story. The battle still rages on. The story continues with twists and turns and leads towards the climactic return of the hero, but even this is not the end of the story. In fact, the Hebrew people didn't even think of this as the end of time, but rather as the end of an age. So, even after Revelation, the story is not over.

So sure there are things that may gnaw at us about the story or some of the characters. And sure there are some plot twists that seem like mistakes or make us want to stop reading. This story, unlike all others, has the most reliable author. I make no claims to tell the future, but I have a feeling, a hunch, call it a piece of foreshadowing that we will like ending and that all of the unnecessary and confusing parts will one day show themselves to be necessary to the wonderful and beautiful tale that is life. 

But where do we fit in in this story...

The Pesky, Cumbersome Soul

I was reading a book recently that was suggested to me by one of my friends with the intention of "seeing my response to it." The book was written by an outspoken and passionate atheist (although he despises the term), who brings up some intriguing objections to Christianity. One of the themes of the book that the author uses to attach Christianity is the anti-morality of the Bible. He brings up slavery and the treatment of non-believers in the Old Testament and really presents a strong case. He claims that since our moral guideline (the Bible) is debunked, then we should throw it out, and our faith is worthless.

My first thought was an odd one: if only it were that easy. I think that the writer seems to think that we Christians simply judged the morality of the Bible against our own innate morality and decided that it is close enough to use as a framework to base our lives around. This is far from the truth, at least for me. If he was right, then it would be easy to read his words and walk away from the faith forever. I could create my own morality centered around me. I could do always what feels good or benefits me personally and maybe find some sort of satisfaction.

My faith, however, is not a result of a logical decision.

Today I heard O Holy Night. It seems that every year, a new line in the song catches my attention. This year it is:
'Til He appeared and the soul felt its worth
This is a much more accurate picture of what it means to be a Christian. we all have this pesky, cumbersome soul living inside of us. It gives us morals and makes us feel funny sometimes. Christians and Non-Christians alike, we all have it. It leaps when we love and is heavy when we weep. It often gets in the way of advancing our own kingdom. It makes us make decisions that don't always benefit us. We wonder sometimes why we even have it.

Then, it happens. He appears, not just two-thousand years ago, but every single moment of every single day. He is constantly appearing. Our lives intersect with the divine, and we realize it. Our soul feels their worth. It all becomes clear. The Bible is not a morality handbook, it is a story of the shape of things and where our souls fit in it. Before Christ, our souls are a hindrance and a weight. After Christ, we see that they are our connection with the divine and our internal moral guide.

So this Christmas, celebrate the meaning of life. Celebrate that love has come to earth and that we now can love more fully. Celebrate that suffering will one day expire. Celebrate that there is meaning in the world for you, for me, and for the writer of the book I am reading. Celebrate that your soul is worth something.

Merry Christmas!

Don't Pinch Me!

Allow me to paint a picture in your mind. It's middle school. 7th grade. Middle of spring. You show up to school and scurry inside the building, hiding your face so as not to be associated with the dork in the station wagon that just dropped you off. Your heart races as you try to find some of your friends to sit with in the lunch room before homeroom. To your satisfaction you see a group of boys you feel comfortable sliding onto the seat beside. Then it happens. You feel a fiery pain on the back of your arm that nearly forces you to jump over the table. Your voice cracks out an "Owww!"
"Your not wearing any green." The sadistic torturer informs you.
"OK, you just pinched the crap out of my arm. Are we all pointing out the obvious today?"
"It is Saint Patrick's day, you gotta wear green or you will get pinched."
You feverishly check all of your clothing from bookbag to socks to find some speck of green. If you are lucky you find that the emblem on your shirt is green or that it is on a bracelet you had tossed in your bookbag. If you are unlucky, you find that the boxer shorts you begged your mom to buy you contain green mixed among the plaid. You will now spend the rest of your day watching for pinchers ready to announce that the green is on your underwear. However, if you are still rocking the whitey tighties and the rest of you is without that elusive color, you are doomed. You see all of those boys that you thought were your friends turn to you with a devilish hunger in their eyes. Today is not going to be a good day.

Sometimes I find myself concerned with just what it takes to be a Christian.

Intellectually, this makes me wonder, what is the baseline requirement to be a Christian? It concerns me that this does not seem to be a question that Jesus was concerned with answering. People ask him all the time, and it seems that he gives a slightly different answer every time. Sometimes it is believe (John 3:16). Sometimes it is serve (Matthew 25: 31-46). Sometimes it is give away everything and follow him (Matthew 19:16-30).

Practically, I ask: am I doing "enough?" This question always returns disastrous results. If I answer yes, then I am complacent or prideful in my self-assessment. If I answer no, I console myself with the idea that I will never be able to do enough. This only grants me half-comfort and still challenges me to keep trying.


The imagery of light is often used in relation to the Christian life. The cool thing about light is that it does not have just one purpose. It is warmth, security, clarity, beauty, fuel, necessary for growth, comfort, and ultimately life-giving. Light is invasive and is exponentially potent.

When Christ comes into our lives, this light permeates our existence. This light comes into our lives and illuminates the dark corners of our souls. It gives us purpose and direction. It gives us peace and comfort. It pours out of us dispelling the darkness both inside ourselves and in our world.

So no longer should we be the kid living in fear of St. Patrick's day. We should be the one who brings in enough clover-leaf necklaces to save everyone from pain. We should stand atop the lunchroom table bidding others who are persecuted and burdened to come and fear no more. We can then celebrate this nonsensical holiday with the utmost of joy and live our lives with hope again.

Car Problems

I am plagued by car problems. They seem to follow me around. Not just normal ones either; they are usually squirelly and uncommon. Cars are becoming more and more complex as the years go by, and there will soon be a day when any powers as a mechanic that I have will be rendered useless by computers, but that won't stop me from trying. I both love and hate working on cars. The joy of completing a project and cranking the car up to feel that sense of accomplishment is matched only by the pain of seeing steam pour out from under the hood or turning the key and having nothing happen.

A car is much like life. Sometimes there is joy. Sometimes there is disappointment. Ultimately, the car, like your life, is on a steady decline until one day it will be dead (barring of course show cars that live in garages and people that would basically pay the price for a new car to replace the innards of an old one out of sentimental reasons (There is no parallel for this in life, sorry)).

It is unclear just how God works in the world. It is evident that he does interact with our lives, but to what degree? Is he active in making sure that you get the last corndog in line at the stadium? Is he also active in killing someone you love with a vicious disease? Is he choosing to let us have our own way on earth to our own demise? Is he controlling every decision we "make" to his own will? I have neither the intellect nor time to address these issues here, but it is important that we decide how to react to life.

I have found in my personal life that my gut reactions to events in life don't always reflect my personal beliefs in how God works. I have images of a God who is constantly giving and taking and who also gives us the ability to make decisions that actually change the world around us. Sometimes these two don't agree. I end up thanking God for something he may not have directly given to me or begrudging him for bad things that he may not have caused.

I have never really liked that passage in Job where he says that the Lord has given and taken away and then he praises him for it. I always thought that Job sounded like some kind of zombie, after losing everything because of God to praise him seems absurd. I thought that maybe it was out of some sense of duty, as if Job said, "God is still God so what am I going to do about it? I might as well praise him." That doesn't jive with how I believe that God wants us to worship him. If he wanted us to praise him for his power then he would have sent his son to conquer not to love and to die.

Ultimately, we can't understand the way that God gives and takes away, but the Bible does say that he takes care of us. This doesn't mean that he gives us what we think we need all the time. What God gives to us, rather, is a transformation by the renewal of our minds. Thus, the ins and outs of the workings of God are not up to us. They should not concern us as much as how we react to life.

At the end of the day, I love cars and working on them. I don't hate the problems or blame the car for them, rather I love it all. The same is true of life. Life is not good because good things happen to us, it is good because it is. It is good because a good God made it that way. We can know that it is good because when he comes into our lives, he changes things. Therefore when all the things that can go wrong do or when everything falls right into our laps, we can say, like the old hymn, that it is well with our souls. Love life.

Time

In his new song, "Walking Far From Home," Iron & Wine, the stage name of singer/songwriter, Samuel Beam writes from the perspective of a man walking around the world. He sees everything from blooming fruit trees to a building high as heaven. The song captures a large smattering of "things" happening and going on in the world. The collection of sounds in background brilliantly illustrate the beauty and driving, steady chaos of modern life. Although, a different line or image sticks out to me every time I listen, one particular line always ends up sticking with me.

     I see lovers in a window
     Whisper, "Want me like time, want me like time."

Time, there is nothing else so cruel, fickle, and fleeting as time. Whether in a daily sense, like being unable to complete all the tasks on the to-do list, or in a grand sense, like being unable to spend enough time with those that we love.

I have always hated it around Christian circles whenever you here someone talk about dying and they say that they have no fear of dying because they will finally be done with this world and home with Jesus. Don't get me wrong, I am a firm believer that heaven will be better than this earth and anything I can imagine. However, am I in any hurry to get there? I don't think so. I believe pining after heaven is like a tired man thinking about sleep. When he finally falls asleep, his state of consciousness will not even recognize that he was thinking about sleep prior to falling asleep. In short, thinking about sleep is a waste of time because when you are asleep, you will not remember thinking about it. Sleep is temporal, but we will be in heaven forever. How much more useless is it to waste any thought of hurrying ourselves along to it? Will we even remember our time on earth? Since eternity exists outside of time, we will be left with a proportionately, infinitely small pocket of memories. If we are to remember our time here on earth, will we congratulate ourselves on our readiness for heaven?

In Ecclesiastes chapter 3, we find the passage of the "time for this" and "time for that" montage. Just a couple of verses down from that, we find this in verse 11:


He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also, he has put eternity into man’s heart, yet so that he
cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end.


Let us begin with God putting eternity into man's heart. First of all, we must stop thinking of eternity within the confines of time. We oftentimes think of eternity as just a lot of time, but since we are temporary beings, we can only think of more of what we have experienced. Here and now, time is the framework in which we exists, thus everything is happening as we move through it or as it moves around us. Eternity, however, is not a larger amount of time, it is a totally different framework in which we will live. It is a frame that is not so much longer than time, but fuller, or more complete. One that does not move, begin, or end. 


So, God has placed this eternity into our hearts. I think that in the same way that we only use a small percentage of our brains, we only use a small amount of our hearts and/or souls. So, the knowledge and understanding of eternity is hidden away from us deep in our hearts. Though we can't completely comprehend or even access us, our hearts know there is a better way out there, thus we will always be frustrated with time. 


There is a time for everything under the sun and God has made everything beautiful in its own time. This does not mean that there is a appropriate and designated time to do all of these things. It means that for any activity that God has given us, there is a predetermined amount of time for us to do it in. For instance, you will spend 40 million seconds eating or 80 million watching television. Those things are simple and mundane things, but what about more meaningful things. 


Is anyone ever given enough time with a grandparent?
How much time is necessary to stare at the stars and fully appreciate their beauty?
The very thought of having a limited amount of time with a lover seems criminal?
Is 31,556,926 seconds enough time?
Is 60,000,000?
Is 200,000,000?
Could you ever have enough?


There is a fixed amount of time for everything. This will not change. There is only that amount of time for everything. There is no sense in wishing for more, because that is all we will have. There is no sense lamenting the amounts we have been given, because that in itself is time wasted. 


All we can do is tap into the eternity inside our hearts and try to experience everything, from waiting in line to holding our first child, to the fullest. To be fully engaged in a moment, to suck the marrow out of experience like you know that it will never be there again, is to taste a morsel of eternity. Find eternity in every second today.